Completely defeated

0-9? What about 0-16?The Dolphins led the Bills 3-2 midway through the third quarter of today’s game. That’s a baseball score. Eventually, the Dolphins scored again to bring it to 10-2 in the 4th. A touchdown, two-point conversion and last second field goal later, and the Bills came away with the win, 13-10.

Another pathetic loss. Another wasted week.

These Dolphins are horrible. 0-9 horrible. The worst team in Dolphins history horrible.

Yet, I’m pleased.

See, I am completely convinced that the Miami Dolphins are suffering some sort of reverse curse – a problem stemming from their 1972 perfect season – and that they will not overcome the curse until another team goes undefeated or, in a worse case scenario, the Dolphins themselves go COMPLETELY defeated.

It boils down to arrogance. I shudder whenever I think about the 1972 team’s tradition of toasting each other when the last undefeated team in a season loses. Imagine, a bunch of aging footballers popping champagne, celebrating another team’s loss, rubbing an already downtrodden team’s nose in its own shit. I find it to be troublesome – an act that gives the Dolphins a bad name, a cockiness that is no longer warranted, like a co-worker bragging about the women he slept with back in college.

Former coach Don Shula denies this happens. But he’s covering something up – the players are still arrogant about the record, and I have seen footage of the 1972 celebrating with my own eyes. Really, we as Dolphins fans deserve to be cursed. We cheer this 1972 team on. We live in the past. We celebrate with them. We’re just as horrible.

I feel that this curse is complex. As the 1972 season falls further back in history, the teams have become even worse. It wasn’t as strong in the 70s – hell, they won another Super Bowl in 1973. In the 80s, it was a curse of success – of nearly making a huge run. In the 90s, it was the false hope of life after Marino.

Now? The curse is utter torture. The Dolphins, once a proud franchise, is now a laughing stock, a coaching and quarterbacking turnstile designed to give the Bills, Jets and Patriots two free wins each season.

So it’s no surprise to me that I find myself rooting for the rival Patriots to go undefeated. And that I root for the Dolphins to lose every game. I feel that’s the perfect remedy for the Perfect Season Cockiness – a perfect storm that will break the curse and send the Dolphins back into the throes of success.

Regardless of how it’s broken, I hope it happens soon. Dolphins aren’t supposed to drown. But we’re all drowning out here.

This was lovingly handwritten on November 11th, 2007