Corey vs. the bees

It started with a mole hole. Nothing huge. Just a little hole in the yard, albeit one that the kids came dangerously close to tripping on.

Then, the bees. One by one, I watched as they flew into the hole. Never more than a couple would go in or go out at a time.

“No big deal,” I thought. “I can get rid of these,” I assumed. “Of course I can get rid of these.”

So I went online and figured out what to do and followed the directions.

I put a screen over the hole to keep them in, but it was too loose so suddenly 50 angry bees were swarming. I waited until nightfall and I put the screen back on and poured boiling water down the hole. The next morning they were back so I did it again the next night except this time I plugged up the hole with mud. The next morning they were back again and had drilled a hole through the mud and so I did it again the next night except this time I REALLY plugged up the hole. The next morning they had drilled through THAT mud so then I went out with a shovel while they were around the hole and just smacked it over and over again and this sealed the hole but now the bees were mad.

I gave up.

I stopped at the hardware store and bought ground bee killing powder. I put up a plastic bee trap. I poofed around the hole with ground bee killing powder. The bees got mad, but not that mad. So I got closer and poofed more right in the hole.

And that’s when I saw the bees zooming around me.

And that’s when I ran inside.

And that’s when I felt a tickle. Then a sharp point. Then an itch.

And that’s when I realized I had brought a bee back inside with me, and it had just totally stung me in the ass.


And that’s when I realized this battle was long from over.

This was lovingly handwritten on September 2nd, 2011